For better or worse

In an act of abject cowardice, born of frustration, I spent much time this afternoon writing an email to my manager explaining in detail what I believed was going wrong in terms of our software development process... only to fail to send it. The gist of the email would have been familiar to him - it largely repeated points I made in an argument with him over a year ago. Since that time nothing much has changed - hence my frustration - and I'm less surprised by that lack of change than I should be. Another conversation I had with him late last year revealed that our positions on how things should operate are very nearly diametrically opposed - a fact I'm surprised I managed to overlook this long. It seems obvious with hindsight as is so often the case.

Instead I sent the email to a colleague who agreed both with my point of view, and with the fact that nothing was likely to change, regardless of whether I sent the mail to it's intended recipient or not. In part I feel guilty things have deteriorated so far. Theoretically I'm in a position to do something about it, yet the management position puts emphasis on speed over quality. Fast development is rewarded (or at least praised), poor code isn't penalised. The end results are much as you'd expect.

I wish it were otherwise. I'd be happier leaving the company (date TBD) if I were confident that things would improve in my absence, but that doesn't seem likely at this point.

I really must learn to care less about these things...