Deep breath, count to ten

Ever been overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things you don't know?

I had an appraisal at work recently, the first for my present company in the nearly four years I've been there. In theory they should have happened in the past on a semi-regular basis, but by the time my turn came around fortune usually intervened (often in the form of a round of redundancies) and I was left to my own devices, unappraised. One of the comments made by my manager, Howard, during my long delayed appraisal, was that I was "highly strung". This goes to illustrate that my mental image of myself and those others have of me are probably significantly different - after all, for the most part I consider myself an easy going soul, content to serenely bob up and down atop the turbulence of life, unaffected by it's tides.

However stopping to think about it, I could understand why he made that assessment. The key phrase in my description of myself above is: "for the most part". I'll admit I am capable of working myself into a tizzy (a lather even), especially about things I care about. This applies not just to work but to my life in general. And it seems I care about rather a lot.

I'm quite adamant that I'm going to do everything possible to get my job. My initial approach to this was to consider ever possible thing I could be asked in an interview, to see where the gaps in my knowledge lie and then to fill those gaps. It turned out to be a lengthy list. A sensible person might have broken it down, and made some sort of plan as to how best to approach things. A less sensible person might have simply panicked at the scale of what's involved, try to do too much at once and practically drive themselves to a nervous breakdown. Guess what I did?

I've calmed down now, but I consequently spent a few hours earlier feeling extremely unhappy with myself and generally being rather depressed. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. My goal now is to take things one step at a time. I can't do everything at once (duh), and I just need to make certain I remember that in future and don't try to take on too much at once. It's obvious advice really, but then isn't most good advice?

Harking back to the appraisal process before I go (and because it will cheer me up a little), perhaps the nicest comment made by Howard was his least managerial. He was commenting on the particular approach I take to the functional specifications I'm given when starting new projects. This approach, in case you are wondering, is to completely ignore them and go off and do something else entirely. I wasn't aware I did this until he compared some of the specs with what I delivered. Suffice it to say they... differed. He wasn't complaining though - he said he was quite happy to sit back and let me get on with it, since he was always curious to see what I'd come back with. It made me smile. He also asked me not to leave, which saddened me.