Feel the guilt. Be one with the guilt...
I'm not very good at quitting jobs. I can't help but feel guilty about it . From my perspective, it's a purely selfish thing to do. After all, I will be leaving to make my life better. Nobody else gains anything. Quite the contrary in fact, given the current size of the development team I'm part of.
Guilt is definitely a contributing factor behind why I so readily agreed to stay beyond my required one month notice period. I did the same thing at my last job too: I quit, and then finally left nearly six months later. Because I was asked to stay, to hang in just a little longer, even though I didn't really want to. I agreed too readily and came to regret it.
I know deep down I've made the right decision this time. By staying on now I'll at least be able to accomplish something, to finally complete work I've wanted to see finished for a long while. But it shouldn't really matter should it? I don't stand to benefit from it at all, so I can't help but wonder if perhaps the satisfaction I hope to achieve is nothing more than an attempt to assuage my guilt.
Nothing about this sits well with me. I'm nervous about leaving. It made me realise just how comfortable it is to let momentum carry me onwards: Turning up each day at work, because the path is well trodden and the groove I've carved in it over the years is all too easy to follow. It's a safe life. Comfortable. Unexciting and unchallenging, but comfortable. Or at least it was.
Now I don't know what lies ahead. I suppose I never really did, but then I could always fall back and follow my groove. Now I've decided to abandon that, It's not so comfortable anymore. I have some confidence in myself, but it's a jittery, strained sort of confidence, as though I'm trying too hard to believe in myself - like someone laughing at a joke because they want it to be funny, rather than because it is funny.
But for all the negatives, I don't want to jump straight back into another groove. I don't want to look for another job just now. I may not be the sort of person who can be happy never knowing what the next day may bring, but it's probably about time I gave myself the chance to find out.
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Transition periods can be really hard and nerve-wracking, but they can also be exciting opportunities for change. Every time I move or have a new job or go to a new school, there has been a sense of dread that accompanies the excitement. But you are an optimist, Mark, just keep believing that everything will work out for the best, and most likely, it will.
As for the guilt, don't be silly! You've been more than generous and kind, given what the company has been doing.
My problem is that I seem to be incapable of making a quick transition. I am looking forward to whatever happens next, but instead of making a swift break, I'm going to be hanging around for a few more months. D'oh. I've really got to get a hang of the whole short sharp shock thing.
Still, I can be patient when I put my mind to it.
Stop laughing. I can. Really I can.
Umm.
Are we there yet...?
You will make it and jump out of the groove into a new path. However, just make sure that you have an end date at work. Stick by that date, even if it seems impossible.
And don't feel guilty -- work is work. People come and go and businesses have to deal with it. You have your life to lead so don't feel guilty.
Dude! It's December!